I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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