so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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