accomplished twins. life is a go
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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