I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
