so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As shirtless as possible
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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