My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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