I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
