actually, I'm a sock model
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
