Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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