last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
