Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
