piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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