I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
