I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
