My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize