I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
