I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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