I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
