I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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