Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
