big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We left the knife in your bed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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