Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
