I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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