My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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