she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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