Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I only lived at night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I looked at my own cervix.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
