Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
