Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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