i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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