Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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