I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
