Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
