I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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