don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize