I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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