guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
