I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
