i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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