My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
