I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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