remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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