Please, let me fuck your mom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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