When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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