Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
