he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There r osticjed everywhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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