plz talk dirty to me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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