yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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