I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
