There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
