The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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