I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
