i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
