let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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