I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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