ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
