why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize