The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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