grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
