I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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