OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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