God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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