Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
