the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize