so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize