actually, I'm a sock model
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
