She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
