im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
