Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
