My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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