We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
