Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
