I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
