i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
