road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
