just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
