I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
