i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
